Whether I’m editing a story about relationships or writing one, dating is a subject that can be top of mind for me—and lots of us. Millions of us, perhaps. (More than 110 million Americans were single in 2016 alone, the U.S. Census Bureau reported in 2017, with millions now dating online and beyond.)
But all of this dating isn’t going well, as you might know if you’ve dipped into these waters.
I figured it was time to talk about this topic on video. Especially since, when it comes to men and women who are dating, there can be miscommunications about intentions, what people really want vs. what they accept…and more.
I mean, we live in the era of ghosting. Clearly some things aren’t right.
These discussions also led me to reinvigorate my YouTube channel, which you can find at www.youtube.com/user/lesliequander. So, please view this video I did with Damien Dubose—I wanted to include the male side of the discussions I’ve been having—and tell me what you think.
When it comes to the past, I’ll say this: Don’t forget about it. Learn from it. If you feel compelled to wallow or to beat yourself up about decisions you made in the past—or things that you endured—this advice holds true for you, too. We can be hard on ourselves. But the past is our teacher, and for that it’s valuable. The present is ours to treasure. And the future will come—ideally.
Looking at this photo, I can still remember how this day truly felt as I sat high on top of these landmark towers in Valencia, Spain. It was a peaceful yet brilliant series of moments. Sunny. Clear. Anything felt possible. I was in the present moment, and yet able to look back on what I’d learned.
It was a fitting place to reflect. These towers began to be constructed in 1392 and were used as both “a defensive feature of the city and also as a triumphal arch,” according to VisitValencia.com. Think about that. They’ve stayed strong for hundreds of years, through some difficult times. And somehow continued to be triumphant.
We can be the same way. Minus a few centuries. 😉
These days, I’m grateful for my growth. I can remember the high points—so wonderful when they come—and the lows. These things work together for our good.
I’ll share more from this time in Spain, and am looking forward to writing and teaching more on wellness and success in the coming weeks. Are you looking for growth or coaching support in these areas? Feel free to email me.
Wishing you well for now. And glad to have hope and faith.
This is what I’m thinking about. And it’s funny that this comes to mind as I’m reporting a freelance story on dating. But these thoughts come when they do.
The reason? I’ve been traveling again, and I’ve had the best times strolling around the world by myself. Seriously. I mean, it’s nice to roam with people, too. But there’s something about doing whatever you want, whenever you want.
I was one of the people who considered quitting in recent years — and actually did it! — so I know how you may be feeling. But whether you want to get a new job (perhaps with a better salary or more growth potential) or work for yourself (like I do now), it’s important to think ahead. And a certified financial planner can help.
So I wrote about four questions to ask a CFP before you resign. Or, at minimum, four questions to consider for yourself. Because quitting can feel great. But being well prepared for your next phase can feel even better.
Sometimes I think we can be afraid to say what we really want. Maybe some of us don’t want to admit what we really desire. Maybe we think we can’t have it. Maybe we don’t even consciously know what we crave!
So will you join me in saying what you want? Even just quietly to yourself? The point is to get comfortable with your goals—whether they relate to your career, relationships, investing, or whatever—and to believe they are possible. Tell me what you think? Or feel free to comment on Instagram.
I love writing about personal finance and helping people learn how to meet their goals in this area. That said, when it comes to investing, I know it can feel overwhelming if you’re not sure where to start. And even if you have experience, it never hurts to keep learning and improve your strategy.
For instance, many of us may have learned more about shoe shopping than buying stocks—and we pay for this lack of knowledge when we miss out on the returns investing can bring.
Meanwhile, some people in older generations are working longer than they’d planned. So it’s important to have an effective investing strategy for the short and long term.
We can plan and try to predict things all we want (quick shout out to the Type As and planners out there), but things happen all the time that are completely out of our control. Sometimes these things are what we’d call good. Sometimes they’re not. At least not in the moment. But it’s good to be open to surprises in any case, I think.
For instance, I wasn’t expecting to wander upon these magnolia trees this spring. Cherry blossoms get lots of love here in DC—and the thousands of trees donated by Japan decades ago do deserve their own attention. (Trust me, I wrote about those beauties, too.) But these magnolia blooms in the Smithsonian Castle’s garden were gorgeous. I live here, and I had no idea how amazing this would be. I was just planning a quick pass-through, but ended up marveling at these for several long moments.
Need more encouragement? One older study from Emory University Health Sciences Center found that the brain finds unexpected pleasures more rewarding than expected ones. You’ll understand this yourself if you’ve ever gotten a surprise flower delivery (yes, I’m still talking about plants!) or if you’ve ever won an unexpected prize or other reward. So, here’s to not planning everything. And to being open to the unexpected. You never know what you might find.
As I was walking in our nation’s capital this spring, taking in the beautiful cherry blossoms, I had some realizations. We’re surrounded by beauty—for me, I can see it every day—but we don’t always take time to notice. And we don’t always focus on the good things in our lives.
The annual National Cherry Blossom Festival commemorates the the 1912 gift of 3,000 cherry trees from Tokyo to the city of Washington, DC, according to the festival’s website. And the views and programming over the event’s four weeks attract more than a million people each year.
This season, I looked out on the pretty scenes before me (including the Jefferson Memorial through the trees), and thought to myself. I settled on this (among other things): Our words and beliefs matter. It’s a message that I’ve been hearing lately from other sources, too. It relates to the law of attraction. And that saying: Whether you think you can or you can’t—either way you’re right.
So I’m making a special effort to think that I can. To say that I can. To KNOW that I can be at peace—even when things are crazy. (For instance, so many people were swarming around me when I took this photo. But I decided I would focus on the view and stay in peace—and I did!) 🌸
Do you think positive thinking really works? I’ve seen it work in my life. Feel free to comment or check out my Instagram post to see what people told me. ✨
We’ve just had our first snow of 2019 in DC, so I had to go out and play around. It was incredibly nice to venture out into the fresh snow as it fell. I laughed a lot and was glad I didn’t stay inside.
So, when is the last time you acted like a kid and played in the snow, or sand, or grass? (Whatever is seasonal in your part of the world!) As grown-ups (ahem), sometimes we can get caught up in the monotonous, day-to-day tasks of life. But playing is actually good for us, even when we’re older.