Unconditional Love: Should it Be the Goal?

Love. We want it. Need it. Even during this time of social distancing due to the novel coronavirus. Maybe we need love even more now so we can try to manage issues related to isolation and loneliness. (I’ll have a post on these issues soon.)

But should love be given without any conditions? And can we control who we love? Had another discussion on my YouTube channel with guest Damien Dubose to discuss how adults can show love—whether in romantic relationships, friendships, or with family. We limited the talk to adults, because the relationships people have with children shouldn’t be subject to conditions. But for adults, who decide how to treat us—and for us, as we decide what kind of treatment to accept—the question of love without conditions can get interesting.

Tune into the video to see what we settled on and feel free to tell me what you think. Also feel free to subscribe to my channel (username: lesliequander) for future content.

Finally, no matter what, love is important. But if you’re looking for more practical tips on how to handle social contact now, see this related post from Johns Hopkins Medicine. As we continue to practice social distancing to help prevent the spread of COVID-19 infection, I’m wishing you the best and hope you can stay safe.

Share

Dating: Why We Need Boundaries—and How to Create Them

Whether I’m editing a story about relationships or writing one, dating is a subject that can be top of mind for me—and lots of us. Millions of us, perhaps. (More than 110 million Americans were single in 2016 alone, the U.S. Census Bureau reported in 2017, with millions now dating online and beyond.)

But all of this dating isn’t going well, as you might know if you’ve dipped into these waters.

I figured it was time to talk about this topic on video. Especially since, when it comes to men and women who are dating, there can be miscommunications about intentions, what people really want vs. what they accept…and more.

I mean, we live in the era of ghosting. Clearly some things aren’t right.

These discussions also led me to reinvigorate my YouTube channel, which you can find at www.youtube.com/user/lesliequander. So, please view this video I did with Damien Dubose—I wanted to include the male side of the discussions I’ve been having—and tell me what you think.

“Women need to demand more.” Watch my YouTube channel for the rest—including how to do it.

We talked about wanting to be asked out vs. being asked to “Netflix and chill,” what it means to have standards and really enforce them, and people who pretend to care—but don’t.

He started by telling me: “Women need to demand more.”

Mic drop. (But we kept going!)

Do listen, and please subscribe to my YouTube channel for more on relationships, writing, wellness, and more.

Share

What We Can Learn from the Past—and These Spanish Towers

At the top of the Torres de Serranos, a landmark structure in Valencia, Spain.

When it comes to the past, I’ll say this: Don’t forget about it. Learn from it.

If you feel compelled to wallow or to beat yourself up about decisions you made in the past—or things that you endured—this advice holds true for you, too. We can be hard on ourselves. But the past is our teacher, and for that it’s valuable. The present is ours to treasure. And the future will come—ideally.

Looking at this photo, I can still remember how this day truly felt as I sat high on top of these landmark towers in Valencia, Spain. It was a peaceful yet brilliant series of moments.⁣ Sunny. Clear. Anything felt possible. I was in the present moment, and yet able to look back on what I’d learned.

It was a fitting place to reflect. These towers began to be constructed in 1392 and were used as both “a defensive feature of the city and also as a triumphal arch,” according to VisitValencia.com. Think about that. They’ve stayed strong for hundreds of years, through some difficult times. And somehow continued to be triumphant.

We can be the same way. ⁣Minus a few centuries. 😉

These days, I’m grateful for my growth. I can remember the high points—so wonderful when they come—and the lows. These things work together for our good. ⁣

A street view of those landmark towers.

I’ll share more from this time in Spain, and am looking forward to writing and teaching more on wellness and success in the coming weeks. Are you looking for growth or coaching support in these areas? Feel free to email me.

Wishing you well for now. And glad to have hope and faith.

Share

Do You Say What You Want?

If you want something, say it. Claim it.

This statement just came to me out of the blue, and I (of course) shared it on my Instagram page. It sounds simple, but how often do we really do it?

Sometimes I think we can be afraid to say what we really want. Maybe some of us don’t want to admit what we really desire. Maybe we think we can’t have it. Maybe we don’t even consciously know what we crave!

But one of the first ways we can manifest what we desire is to SAY what we want. That’s because having success and freedom can start in your mind.

So will you join me in saying what you want? Even just quietly to yourself? The point is to get comfortable with your goals—whether they relate to your career, relationships, investing, or whatever—and to believe they are possible.

Tell me what you think? Or feel free to comment on Instagram.

Share

Growth Is the Goal

As this month comes to a close, I’m reminded of what I’ve learned. The new things I’ve tried. The myriad opportunities that are here now and ahead.

I’ve accomplished a lot, and you probably have, too. So you also probably realize that success isn’t immediate. The best ideas can start with a seed that then grows and matures. And growth—through life’s storms and during the sunny days—is what matters.

So as long as you’re moving, learning, being challenged, please keep going. It’s actually good when life isn’t simple. It’s good when we face challenges. The things we’ve beaten can prepare us for the next round of the fight.

These things can prepare us for big victories.

So, like the sunflowers of summer–and those that will sprout this fall (I can’t wait to see those!)–let yourself grow.

Look to the light. Start that new venture, pitch that story, write that book, have that key conversation. Do the things you’ve been wanting to do.

Experience it all. And let yourself live.

For more views of these gorgeous flowers and my latest musings on writing and life, please visit me on Instagram.

And if you need a hand with your writing projects or career goals, see this page or this one for details on how I can help.

Share

Snapshot: Learning from Life’s Storms

Storm clouds roll in above a DC city scene.

The clouds came in quickly. One minute the sky was bright and sunny. Then, suddenly, grayish black. With fat raindrops beginning to fall. ⁣

I didn’t have my umbrella. So I waited inside. And it passed. The storm, that is. It passed…like they always do. That’s the part to remember. ⁣

When we’re in the middle of difficult situations, it can be hard to see past the rain, and the distractions, and the stress. When it comes to writing, for instance, rejections are part of the game. Having to learn new skills and processes, and frustration with that learning curve, can be, too.

But we have to know that these things can’t last forever. That we’ll get better. And that we can withstand the hard times to get to the good ones. Nothing worth having comes without some struggle.

Adjusting our mindsets can help during turbulent times. And actually, speaking of mindset, we can notice beauty (like in this street shot I captured) even when the bleakest clouds come in.

Have you been surprised by a storm? Remember that it won’t last forever. Be calm in the moment. And realistically (all metaphors aside), carry an umbrella to be prepared. Mine is now securely back in my bag. ☺️

Please feel free to leave a comment here, or share with me on Instagram @lesliequander.

And if you want help with the storms that can accompany getting your writing or communications career going—whether it comes to pitching yourself or just having the confidence to start—please let me know. I have advice for that, too. ✨ ⁣

Share

Want Success? Freedom? Why It Starts in Your Mind

I’ve been feeling free. Light. Accomplished. And extra independent. Things I’ve been wanting and working toward are happening. It feels great to see things that I’ve imagined actually come to pass in real life.

And that is the key, in part. The thought. The willingness to believe that good things are coming and that I am—and we are—worthy of them.

Our thoughts matter and can affect our bodies, our lives, and our experiences. This concept shows up in science, in the law of attraction, and even in faith-based teachings.

So if you want to feel free—or more successful, content, or relaxed—a big way to shift is within your mind.

For example, taking time to think kind thoughts about yourself has psychological and physical benefits, suggests 2019 research from the University of Exeter. In the small study, participants who listened to an audio recording that encouraged them to be kind to themselves reported feeling more self-compassion and connection with others. These participants also had a physical response consistent with relaxation and safety, including a drop in heart rate and a lower sweat response. Meanwhile, those who heard an audio inducing “a critical inner voice” had a higher heart rate and higher sweat response, consistent with feelings of distress.

More mind-power info? As you may know, the benefits of meditation, the practice of training and focusing your mind, are myriad and can include helping with stress reduction, pain control, and even improving sleep.

So this July, and beyond, remember: If you have a dream in your heart, think of it positively in your mind. Believe in yourself, put in the work, and have faith. Think of the thing as already yours. ⁣You might be surprised to see the good things that can follow.

⁣So do you believe in yourself? Want some encouragement? Maybe I can help–especially if you have questions about moving up in your career (including full-time or freelance work in writing, communications, or editing) or how to shift your general mindset. Drop me a comment or email me!

⁣P.S. In this photo, I somehow managed to channel the tropics—from the city. Come hang with me on Instagram @lesliequander to see my other adventures. ☺️🦋

Share

Are You Open to Surprises?

Life’s beauty can arrive by surprise. 🌸⁣

We can plan and try to predict things all we want (quick shout out to the Type As and planners out there), but things happen all the time that are completely out of our control. Sometimes these things are what we’d call good. Sometimes they’re not. At least not in the moment. But it’s good to be open to surprises in any case, I think.

For instance, I wasn’t expecting to wander upon these magnolia trees this spring. Cherry blossoms get lots of love here in DC—and the thousands of trees donated by Japan decades ago do deserve their own attention. (Trust me, I wrote about those beauties, too.) But these magnolia blooms in the Smithsonian Castle’s garden were gorgeous. I live here, and I had no idea how amazing this would be. I was just planning a quick pass-through, but ended up marveling at these for several long moments.

Need more encouragement? One older study from Emory University Health Sciences Center found that the brain finds unexpected pleasures more rewarding than expected ones. You’ll understand this yourself if you’ve ever gotten a surprise flower delivery (yes, I’m still talking about plants!) or if you’ve ever won an unexpected prize or other reward.

So, here’s to not planning everything. And to being open to the unexpected. You never know what you might find.

See more about this garden visit on Instagram–or follow me there @lesliequander so we can keep up!

Share

Positive Thinking: Our Words and Beliefs Matter

As I was walking in our nation’s capital this spring, taking in the beautiful cherry blossoms, I had some realizations. We’re surrounded by beauty—for me, I can see it every day—but we don’t always take time to notice. And we don’t always focus on the good things in our lives.

The annual National Cherry Blossom Festival commemorates the the 1912 gift of 3,000 cherry trees from Tokyo to the city of Washington, DC, according to the festival’s website. And the views and programming over the event’s four weeks attract more than a million people each year.

This season, I looked out on the pretty scenes before me (including the Jefferson Memorial through the trees), and thought to myself. I settled on this (among other things): Our words and beliefs matter. It’s a message that I’ve been hearing lately from other sources, too. It relates to the law of attraction. And that saying: Whether you think you can or you can’t—either way you’re right. ⁣

So I’m making a special effort to think that I can. To say that I can. To KNOW that I can be at peace—even when things are crazy. (For instance, so many people were swarming around me when I took this photo. But I decided I would focus on the view and stay in peace—and I did!) 🌸 ⁣

Do you think positive thinking really works? I’ve seen it work in my life. Feel free to comment or check out my Instagram post to see what people told me. ✨


Share

5 Tips to Protect Your Hearing



So I love getting out to events and listening to live music. But these fun activities can have a down side. Sadly.

If you’re around loud sounds, you should know that you could be at risk for tinnitus and noise-induced hearing loss, too. These sounds can show up anywhere, from your favorite sporting events to concerts and bars.

Because this topic is so important, and because it can affect so many people, I wrote about how to avoid hearing loss and damage earlier this year for Men’s Health. Even now, the topic keeps coming up in my everyday life. Maybe because I know so many other music lovers.

The facts: Sounds are measured in decibels (dB). Those higher than 85 dB can permanently damage the hair cells in your inner ear with extended exposure, leading to hearing loss or actual damage. And it can be years before you start to notice the effects.

Please check out my story for five tips on how to protect your hearing. I do these things myself. Then tell me what you think!

Have you ever had a hearing scare, or noticed when sounds were too loud? Taking action now can help you later.


Share